JOBLESS, BLACK SHEEP, SLUT!

Im jobless! I applied to four places and nobody seems to accept me! What the hell is wrong with me? Well, the first two interviews sucked, they called me for an interview when there was no job, so technically its not my fault! And the second thing, the MEGA maldives cabincrew job! they sucked too! why? they forgot to advertise that they needed chinese crews this time, not locals! so that's not my fault either! and then now my dad made me apply for some dhiraagu apprentice program. i applied.. almost two weeks, no news yet! tsk! i beg my parents to send me somewhere, to study abroad or another job elsewhere but in addu! where the hell can a person find a job here? sure, its addu city now! but it doesnt become developed overnight!!

and there's my mother-as usual! who considers me to be the black sheep of the family. my dad probably thinks of the same thing.. though he never tells me like my mother who directly slaps me! oh and by the way, dad isnt talking to me..again! i have no idea why.. :/ my mother keeps saying that i ruined the whole family! my brother is daring a new girl and my mother doesnt like it. seriously! my brother is 22 and my mom still wants to baby him! he doesnt want it.. he told her he grew up and that he cant call you like he used to (all the time)! and guess who got all the blame? yes, me. 

and i really wish my mother would make me feel good about anything. if i tell her that she should support me wherever i go and whatever i do! she laughs at me when i say that.. she only supports me when i do things she likes. never the things i want. 

and then there's my so-called- boyfriend. who goes around thinking and saying im a slut! i feel as if i get stabbed a thousand times, i cant even breathe for a while. why he called me a slut? because i add my guy friends to facebook and talk to them. i agree that i was bad at the beginning of our relationship. i admit that i ruined our relationship in the beginning. but that was when we were only 3 months to our relationship.. i didnt love him then. and i feel really really bad about it! i know how sorry i am and ill do anything for him to believe it. but he wont.. he cant forgive me, sweared he'd never trust me again, let alone believe anything i say... i think i deserve another chance if wants to keep on dating me.. i wish he'd let me go! he reminds me of the things i did, never lets me forget them and makes me guilty. i do the opposite! i try my best not to ever talk when he does something.. i know he loves me, and i love him too.. but i feel as if he's verbally abused me in several ways.. he cant go on making me feel guilty can he? if he cant give me another chance, please please God i dont wanna stay in this relationship no matter how much i love him.