what do you want me to do noor? just sit back and enjoy when you decide my life? when you rotate my life upside down? when you decide who my friends are? when you decide how long i should talk to them?

i have a mother and a father who doesn't give me any respect nor freedom and there you are deciding my life for me? im not married to you yet? i can live my life! im not a baby! im a grown up. nineteen years old and i have had enough experiences to decide the best for me! 

i dont know what to do okay! i wanna go! i wanna leave everything behind and start a new life! but thats the last thing i can do! i wanna go away from you! but i know i cant! my mind tells me to break up with you! but my heart wont let me! im so in love with you that whatever you do or say to me im ready to accept it. im a failure i know! i know i cant make you happy ok?! but then again, if so, why are you still with me? why cant you leave me? and do us both a favour? please noor! go away! let me live in peace! no.. DONT! I DONT WANT YOU TO GO AWAY! ARGHH!! SOMEBODY KILL ME!

WHY ME!

It's just not fair. Why am i blamed for everything in the world? Even today, tonight to be precise, my mom blamed me because I'm not helping my Lil brother study. Why should it be me? How can I do it when mom and Lil bro himself are ignoring it. He doesn't wanna study. He doesn't want me to touch his books. Mom is always glued to the TV and at times when she's not, wastes time by scolding at me! And then she goes on and on saying there's no use of me in this world since I can't do anything. Anything she says. I wake up at 0700 (before everyone at my place), make my own breakfast, make my bed and go to give tuition till ten. After that I stay at my granma's house to help my cousin finish her homework, babysit her baby brother and come back home at 12. I iron my Lil brother's uniform, make everyone's beds, wash the unwashed dishes and pots and pans and sweep the whole house. And THEN i rest for awhile, get online, surf the web, have fun with my boyfriend if he's in a good mood and later around 5, go back to granma's place to help my other cousin study. I come back home around 9. I feel so tired I don't feel like doing anything. On top of that my boyfriend gets moody at me for no reasons mostly! Sigh!

And right now, my mom is mad at me. My Lil brother should be the one who she's supposed to be mad at. Because he's the one not studying. Not me! I finished school. Why me then..