The day i went through a HellHole

Yesterday was undoubtedly, exactly and absolutely the worst day of my life. the day started with my last post and let me write about everything that happened after that. 

i was almost late getting ready to go to the interview. i was supposed to catch the ferry at 11 and time was running out. dad was calling on the other hand but i didn't answer. so anyway, i went with my father's father to the jetty. i hate going with my granpa, he's slower than a snail. and when we got there, dad started yelling at me infront of everybody as i hadnt answered his calls. i felt like crying. but i kept telling myself that the worst is over and that the interview was going to be fab! 
anyway, i got into the ferry with my cousin who works in shangrilla. when i reached shangrilla, i saw that there was a security officer checking ID cards of visitors. i was a visitor but i had forgotten my ID card and had to wait there for a few minutes till he finished making his calls.

the interviewer had sent a girl to receive me and she took me to the office and asked me to wait as the boss was busy in a meeting but would arrive very soon. so i waited. and waited. and waited. for two whole frigging hours! finally, at one o'clock the boss came and interviewed me. we started off good and we were chatting with each other comfortably. but in the end, she dropped the bombshell. i couldnt get a job there because there was no vacancies for a HG secretary nor any job related to HR! WTF!? i mean, they asked me to come for an interview right? and they dumped me? but you know, i wasnt surprised, not a bit! the wataniya interview went the same way! i dont think interviews are for me! i was really hurt though. it wasnt worth all the wait. oh, and after the interview, i had to wait another one and a half hour. the ferry would come at 1530 and my interview finished at 1400! what a day! i had to stay in the locker room with my cousin since im not allowed to roam around there. i was fuming!!

when the ferry finally arrived, i got inside it fifteen minutes earlier. which was another bad luck because a frigging stranger came , no FOLLOWED me (he saw me get into the ferry and got in after me) inside and sat next to me and started talking to me. i quickly called me boyfriend and started a conversation to him. finally after five - ten minutes the stranger got the idea that i dont wanna talk to him and left.

i had a headache all day after coming back and i was soo hungry! they didnt even bother to give me any food even after keeping me so long. 

anyway, i doubt there'd be any worse day compared to this YET. oh, and the day ended when dad told me to hand the phone over to mom before going to bed, which i didnt, mind you ;)

A 20 year old living the life of a young teenager

oh my God! i really wish i could die, i really do! if only i could go to someplace nice like heaven then its fine God! thank you.

i wish i could kill both my mother and my boyfriend. two of the most important people in my life. but two people i wish id never met and never loved. don't they say, it's the love which is the most painful? because of the love i have for them, lil things they do, burn my body and my heart miserably.

my boyfriend has to do odd jobs like trying to make deals with his friends or friends of friends to get money. deals relating to stuff about computer and networks. these nights he stays out more than usual, and tend to forget me. i know he'd be busy and it probably would be best if i dont call him and ask him to come home to talk to me. but i miss him and need him a lot. even the tiny seconds feel like lifetimes if he's away. and i just cant bear the thought. there are also times, being the engineer of his company; when he has to work past midnight, somewhere around 3 or 4! and that means i cant talk to him before sleeping. i always talk to him until i practically start snoring. anyway, if he has to work at nights, that means id only be able to talk for a few moments and even if it were a long time, i wouldnt feel comfortable knowing that he's at work and not on the comfort of his bed. these are the nights when i get moody for not getting him to the max. and i tend to tell him not to go or come home. but i have no intention of pressuring him. pressure him! tsk! how can he even think of that word to describe me. i just demand him. his words last night were, 'you aren't helping my at all, instead, you are making things difficult for me'. so  he has money problems at home. his father (being 70) is out of job, his sister's O level fees rise up to $750, he has to pay for college and his bike. and i was telling him to stop making small small deals that make huge money at once and start looking for a part time job that would give lil money. you can only make big things from small things. and was i wrong saying that? i guess i was because thats when he planted the bombshell on me. sigh! i do understand the things he does, but to make money, you have to work at different fields.

and then there's my mother. she almost tried to strangle me, rib off my face and hit me so hard on the legs i thought i might faint. and only this morning. earlier this morning. i was hardly awake. tsk! first i couldnt sleep because of my boyfriends stupid complains, and then i was woken up at dawn, (5:50 to be exact) to pray. which means i didnt sleep fully for four hours. and ive got a job interview today. thanks a lot for ruining the day my gems. yes it's that shangrilla job i applied for. HR secretary. i hope im gonna do fine. im so nervous. if i could just talk to someone who could encourage me and comfort me. but there's no one.

anyway, yeah, mom tried to strangle me? yes. i wake up everyday at 7 as i have tutoring classes at 8. but last night mother and i agreed that i wont go to the classes as id need full energy to go for the interview. and that ill wake up around 8. but then she woke me up around 7:50 and expected me to take a shower and go to the classes with 10 minutes to spare. i didnt. there was a lot of screaming, from her actually. i wonder if dad got any sleep. its so embarrassing when she yells at me when we both know that everyone would hear, she wouldnt do that to my brothers. she'd probably now be at granny's telling everybody that she tried making me get up but i wouldnt budge and didnt wanna come here. had it been my brothers, she'd make an excuse, something like a headache, as usual. anyway, she then tried to take away my phone. the closest thing i have to me. but i put it under my head and was gripping it like anything. i think she even drove her nails on my face cuz i feel a cut and it hurts. for a minute i wished i would give the phone to her. because i had no intention of talking to my boyfriend. but i didnt. and when she couldnt get it, she started throwing stuff at me, and when none of them hit me, she came and hit me herself. which is more painful than being hit by a truck. she then left. and i just lay on the bed, unable to cry, but wanting to. a minute later, my boyfriend called me and complained why i hadnt called him. sigh..

i really wish i could get this job. its my only mean of escape.

i just emailed my CV to Joe Moesker of Shangrilla to apply for the post of HR's secretary. this is going to be my second job application. i just wish i dont have to talk about the first one! my boyfriend who works in wataniya sent my CV to the head of wataniya sales department. PJ something, i think? anyway, the guy guaranteed a job for me and then i was called for an interview about 3 weeks ago. it was my first interview and im sure it would be tradition to be nervous. i was practically swooning. i dont know the meaning of that word but i think that would be the best definition for how i felt that day.

so anyway, a few days after the interview, i found out that the job which i was interviewed for required a boy! and not a girl. but i still had hope -somewhat! there probably would have been lesser boys interviewed than girls! but then! another few days later, i found out that i was the only GIRL interviewed with six boys! oh, how i felt!! yet, i had hope because a co-worker and ex.bestfriend told me that i might still get it because i was the only one who had good A level results! pfft! right! they wanted a guy and they chose one as well! it's so unfair! i mean, come on! if they wanted a guy in the first place why did they even bother to interview me! >< and waste my 'nervous' energy! sure i cried that day, but i told no one! i cried enough and made a brave 'i dont care' look on my face when i told mom about it. and then dad got mad at me. as if it was my fault. you could even expect some sympathy from your own mother, but i think i wish too much. i did expect my boyfriend's sympathy as well. but i didnt let him feel that i was upset. i dont know why but i just hate it when people show sympathy towards me. just a lil is fine i guess.

why do old people scream so much! >< even for the smallest things, they cant get the satisfaction until they scream! god it's so frustrating. my grandma and granpa (from my mother's side) it's not that i hate them, i love them, really! 

it's the politic season (what am i saying! it's always politics season) and my granpa and granma are totally over doing it! granpa is DRP while granma is MDP! pfft! somebody could just imagine how hectic that would be! it's like fire and water together!

PFFT! it's just so annoying! and now my boyfriend knows i have a blog in which i write about my frustrations! i wish i hadnt told him! now i dont think i can just express my feelings without thinking to myself, somebody's gonna read this! and somebody i care about! argh! i can be such an ass at times! whatever!

life doesn't suck! the people around you do! my mother, for instance. she's a real pain in the ass. she makes me wake up at the stupid uncivilized hour of 8 even when school is over and i have nothing left to do except make the frigging beds and sweep the house! which is nothing, and can be finished in about 30 minutes-or less! every night before i go to bed i wish that when i wake up the next morning, mom would have gone out somewhere. doesn't doctors say you can only fully wake up after 15 minutes? and if my mother is home, i open my eyes to blinding light with an addition of deafening noise coming from the radio plus her stupid voice screaming! sometimes i feel like tearing away her stupid throat! that would serve her right! goodness what am i thinking!! she's my mother!! whatever! this is the only way i can express my feelings. not to my family, brothers cousins, best friend, nor my boyfriend! they just can't understand, and even if they do, i don't wanna trouble anybody by making them listen to my problems and worry about them. and then she wants everybody to spend time talking to each other everyday. in other words, "family time"! which really means, everybody gathering up and talking about my mistakes, problems, stupidity and so on! i used to sit with them and listen to them making bad remarks about me (which most of the time are true) and wait till the lump in my throat gets bigger and finally explodes with the tears smudging my cheeks! the result? everybody laughing at me! a smirk from mother! but thank god! whenever she gathers everybody around, i take a good magazine in to the bathroom and stay there for about 30 minutes or till they finish talking, and then get out. anybody who might be reading this might wonder why i never get out or just go somewhere like the beach to clear my mind! after all, im nineteen years old! nineteen schmineteen! i might be a hundred years old! but i'll still be locked up inside this dungeon like a prisoner!

and then there's my dad! who is supposed to find his own job since years! but still is stubborn and stuck in his stupid company which is only making losses and totally unable to pay any expenses. we haven't eaten good food in days. there is no money saved in the bank for our future, and the little money saved is gone to the Bank of China! my brother is studying aeronautical engineering in shenyang. tsk! if only dad would find a real job and settle down and stop borrowing money from my boyfriend yet disallowing me to meet him several times and banning me from marrying him! whoops! there he goes. better minimize this window! 

okay! he's gone! if he finds out i'm writing about my life he'd probably murder me!

so anyway, there's my two brothers! my older brother, whom i adore and would give up everything for. and my little snobbish brother who spends the day watching his reflection on the mirror! probably singing to himself mirror mirror on the wall, who's the hottest of all! i won't be surprised if he ended up in the gutter! i keep telling mother he might some day if she's giving him too much freedom and listening to every word he says and agreeing to them even if they are bullshit! my mother keeps on saying he'd be the president of maldives one day but i say over my dead body! because i know for a fact that my little brother has no intention of even smelling his textbooks! sigh! and my darling old brother! who not only me but everybody loves! and when i say everybody i mean every single person in this city! of course he is an angel! especially to my mother! he's everything God wanted in a boy! but sure she knows he's having sex with anything which has 

boobs and a pussy! going out to bars with his buddy's, and smoking! i'm not sure of the drinking part, but i have a feeling he might have done that too. how i know all this? why, i'm his best friend! which is why i never spill the beans, except just writing them down! and if nobody related to us reads this, it'll be okay. i guess!

anyway, enough for tonight! my boyfriend is probably boiling as i haven't called him in an hour. better get going!