life doesn't suck! the people around you do! my mother, for instance. she's a real pain in the ass. she makes me wake up at the stupid uncivilized hour of 8 even when school is over and i have nothing left to do except make the frigging beds and sweep the house! which is nothing, and can be finished in about 30 minutes-or less! every night before i go to bed i wish that when i wake up the next morning, mom would have gone out somewhere. doesn't doctors say you can only fully wake up after 15 minutes? and if my mother is home, i open my eyes to blinding light with an addition of deafening noise coming from the radio plus her stupid voice screaming! sometimes i feel like tearing away her stupid throat! that would serve her right! goodness what am i thinking!! she's my mother!! whatever! this is the only way i can express my feelings. not to my family, brothers cousins, best friend, nor my boyfriend! they just can't understand, and even if they do, i don't wanna trouble anybody by making them listen to my problems and worry about them. and then she wants everybody to spend time talking to each other everyday. in other words, "family time"! which really means, everybody gathering up and talking about my mistakes, problems, stupidity and so on! i used to sit with them and listen to them making bad remarks about me (which most of the time are true) and wait till the lump in my throat gets bigger and finally explodes with the tears smudging my cheeks! the result? everybody laughing at me! a smirk from mother! but thank god! whenever she gathers everybody around, i take a good magazine in to the bathroom and stay there for about 30 minutes or till they finish talking, and then get out. anybody who might be reading this might wonder why i never get out or just go somewhere like the beach to clear my mind! after all, im nineteen years old! nineteen schmineteen! i might be a hundred years old! but i'll still be locked up inside this dungeon like a prisoner!
and then there's my dad! who is supposed to find his own job since years! but still is stubborn and stuck in his stupid company which is only making losses and totally unable to pay any expenses. we haven't eaten good food in days. there is no money saved in the bank for our future, and the little money saved is gone to the Bank of China! my brother is studying aeronautical engineering in shenyang. tsk! if only dad would find a real job and settle down and stop borrowing money from my boyfriend yet disallowing me to meet him several times and banning me from marrying him! whoops! there he goes. better minimize this window!
okay! he's gone! if he finds out i'm writing about my life he'd probably murder me!
so anyway, there's my two brothers! my older brother, whom i adore and would give up everything for. and my little snobbish brother who spends the day watching his reflection on the mirror! probably singing to himself mirror mirror on the wall, who's the hottest of all! i won't be surprised if he ended up in the gutter! i keep telling mother he might some day if she's giving him too much freedom and listening to every word he says and agreeing to them even if they are bullshit! my mother keeps on saying he'd be the president of maldives one day but i say over my dead body! because i know for a fact that my little brother has no intention of even smelling his textbooks! sigh! and my darling old brother! who not only me but everybody loves! and when i say everybody i mean every single person in this city! of course he is an angel! especially to my mother! he's everything God wanted in a boy! but sure she knows he's having sex with anything which has
boobs and a pussy! going out to bars with his buddy's, and smoking! i'm not sure of the drinking part, but i have a feeling he might have done that too. how i know all this? why, i'm his best friend! which is why i never spill the beans, except just writing them down! and if nobody related to us reads this, it'll be okay. i guess!
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